minęło 41 i pół dnia, zostało 20 dni, Natalia znalazła moją kartkę z pustymi kratkami odatowanymi który to dzień i ile do końca, chyba musiała pomyśleć o mnie źle, bo tylko spytała retorycznie "to twoje?" moje, czyjeż by inne, to ja liczę jak wariatka ile mi zostało do kogo, do czego? nie wiem, pewnie nic specjalnego w tym wrześniu mnie nie czego, no expectations, po prostu niebycie tutaj wydaje się wystarczająco kuszące, aby nie zmuszać się do tworzenia pozytywnych alternatyw, siła negacji jest wystarczająco na ten moment f. conviencing.
nawet taki dzień jak dzisiaj, kiedy wolne mając nie wiem do końca co ze sobą zrobić, trochę piszę, ale idzie po grudzie, trochę czytam, ale to mesjanizm, wiadomo, trochę youtube, ale wówczas mam poczucie, że nic nie robię, chociaż amerykańska polityka taka wciągająca, tak bardzo chciałabym zrobić johna olivera o polskiej pomocy rozwojowej, why not? anyway trochę gubię się w tej wolności niemalże 48 godzin licząc od pracy do pracy, bo oczywiście neurotycznie licząc, och, nie dziwię się, że to wygląda jak wygląda, if you do not love somebody it must be difficult to stand, and even more difficult to like this person, i wouldn't like me either in her position this time of year, maybe in autumn, maybe in winter, but certainly not somewhere in between may and the beggining of september.
on the other hand i have become much more lazy when it comes to trying to make her like me more which might be the reason why this year happens to be even worse than the previous one for us (for each of us I suppose it's better, cause we were prepared for what was going to happen here, place for smo. as they say, place which makes a smo. or an alco. i'd rather say).
lazy, even though a bit (a f. bit) f. frustrated, but to lazy to try to do something special to fix it. this place makes me feel shiety enough, i don't need you to make this feeling more complex. and this is what would happen if I'd care more. so please, don't let me be misunderstood, and realize why I am lazy and why I don't feel like talking that much and why the f. I am not f. happy or even satisfied and I don't feel like playing f. frisbee in the only street on this f. island.
lazy, even though a bit (a f. bit) f. frustrated, but to lazy to try to do something special to fix it. this place makes me feel shiety enough, i don't need you to make this feeling more complex. and this is what would happen if I'd care more. so please, don't let me be misunderstood, and realize why I am lazy and why I don't feel like talking that much and why the f. I am not f. happy or even satisfied and I don't feel like playing f. frisbee in the only street on this f. island.
and now i made it sound as if it was her fault. which of course it's not entirely. it's my fault too. this laziness and uncarefullness is of course partially the effect of my egoism [here all other things which i do/did wrong]. und so weiter.
no, no, mazur coward. now think about things you do wrong. you don't feel like small talking and you'd prefer to skip to the emotions directly. so, you not patient. you don't give her opportunity to have this serious talks [gleichfalls] [nie tłumacz się].
no, no, mazur coward. now think about things you do wrong. you don't feel like small talking and you'd prefer to skip to the emotions directly. so, you not patient. you don't give her opportunity to have this serious talks [gleichfalls] [nie tłumacz się].
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