20's.

so it may have happened and I haven't even noticed that I actually lived in 20'. Early 20' of mine in late 20's of Poland. it was not as crazy and free, and I was not as crazy and free (or... was I?), as I have always imagined it would have been, but certainly there's something in it, even tough it's not all in it. 

30's are coming and I just hope to see sooner the point in which one has to decide 'which side are you on, boy'. choices one makes starts with each demonstration, don't they. it's not even so polish, it more worldish (not even to mention that it's, as usually, so euro-centric, that one can't even. to paraphrase one could say: just open the fucking borders).  

one feels like telling everybody and one feels like not saying anything. one feels like the figure of father had always been a problem, even before it was noticed. 

one feels like there is no compassion left, there's only lack of understanding how people can live in such uncertainty. whatever one thinks of one's behavior, as cruel and as irresponsible as it was, at least it took one something round 24 hours to sort things out. with all the differences considered: seriously, four years is not enough?

ok, shut up, shut up and translate the fucking article, do one's things.

i wish myself more fight club life when it comes to the amount of personal belongings. i wish myself more courage. happy autumn depression (as funny and as sociable as one can be one wishes to give up on, on and on.

there are only small things, let's imagine that there are only small things. like chewing gum. like "sąd nie jest warszawiakiem". let's stay there and make oneself own twenties again.