kotlety tęsknoty. longing chops.

it'd be hard to explain the difference. every single difference. drinking one coffee (per day). spending almost or more than two hours in buses and trams (per day). being in the library three hours (per day). asking for cigarettes in the street five or six times (per day). counting every single penny (sounds better than zloty) per rolls (per day). dividing days into hours and a halves instead of forty fives. and HSM no longer stands for High School Musical. and since Monday until Friday not having time to think about death. it is different.

but don't want to explain the difference. reading ones will see on their own, suppose. today's aim is to put into words something quiet new for me. a mianowicie the fact, that very important decision has been made. no more unhappy, platonic loves. all in all did spent more than one third of my life being unhappily in love. and now with eyes/plural I:

I do forgive myself all those loves. I do forgive myself all those crazy little things I did for these loves. I do forgive myself lilac's issues, fifteenth issues, pockets' issues, basement's issues, bike issues, angels' issues, mails' issues, dancing issues, mirror issues and all other kinds of issues. I do know that I could be on straight way to another issue, cause where there's a will, there's a way. but. man, I have been there before. not once. and it's high time to try not to make another circle. and, on the other hand - I dealt with last issues with issues. 'I hope we could still be friends. I'm friends with all of my boyfriends, my ex-boyfriends'. No hard feelings, it's understandable that they and me couldn't have worked out. Never ever. It just hadn't reason of existence, just like the permanent element of this equation doesn't have it neither.

that's for now. no more falling for anyone, no more crushes. it's not like I couldn't do it. as was said - straight (it looks funny in this context) way. I will work on developing compassion and empathy for all living creatures. Including all this wormy worms, insects, little cockroaches and other kinds of i-hope-it-wasn't-my-future-grand-son-the-insect-i-just-have-killed, which share my half-room with me. 

still i wonder about hundred feeter. i'd like to play a game. feminist or gay.