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groteski się cisną w gębie
gra rodzinna
w pytania
mała historia.
bo o co pytać trzeba wiedzieć

runda pierwsza
dziadku, zabijałeś żydów?
babciu, jak było na robotach w niemczech?

runda druga, prl.
mamo, za co cię spałowali?
tato, dlaczego nie byłeś w solidarności?

druga trzecia:
jaki był twój pierwszy telefon komórkowy?
i czy pamiętasz jeszcze internet na impulsy.

mała historia.
a cieszy.

5/10. 6/10. 7/10.

that escalated quickly.

you, for making me feel guilty that I need your money.
you, for making me feel guilty that I needed your attention. past tense on purpose.
you, for making me feel guilty that I don't pay enough attention to you. present tense on purpose.

you, for telling me that I could learn everything by myself.
you, for taking me to party I shouldn't have seen.
you, for not going back from this party.
you, for the stories I had to overhear about you.
you, for telling the stories I had to overhear.
you, for not pretending, that everything's fine.
you, for my nightmares.
you, for threatening to leave.
you, for not letting him go.
you, for yelling.

you, for taking me to my camp being hangover and with no money on you.
you, for sharing with me doubts about apartments.
you, for making me aware of the facts I shouldn't then have given fuck about.

you, for smashing the blue bowl.
you, for smashing the green bird.
you, for smashing the big pan.
you, for scattering rice on kitchen's floor.
you, for smashing her. twice.



you, for trying to protect me from world not being able to protect me from yourself.
you, for not pretending that you don't have to vomit.
you, for your annoying tone.
and you're stupid ideas.
and being stubborn.
like fucking hell.

you, for not being able to listen.
you, for not being able to express yourself.

you, for all the times you were gone and I was with her, crying, home.
you, for making me remind myself all this.
you, for assuming I could have handled it.
and for assuming I can handle it.

you, for being blind to the fact, that you choose the expectations that you're comfortable with.
you, for making me feel ashamed.


sacre papa.
sacre mama.

you will not be the ones who write this drama.
but first I will do everything that has to be done and you will not interfere.
for sure.

no time again.

i zaczyna się czas wyimaginowanej kreatywności, która się nigdy nie spełnia, bo nie ma na nią czasu.

chcę mieć głowę pełną innych rzeczy, niż te które w nią wpycham. w imię konsekwencji, bo jest duże prawdopodobieństwo, że nie umrę jutro.

i wszystkie konkursy, których nie wygram. pfi, ten moment, kiedy myślisz, że nie chodzi o wygrywanie tylko o samo startowanie. dobór tego w co grasz. 

nienawidzę gier.